is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
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I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
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I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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