You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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