Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
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I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
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World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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