Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
