I don't think brook has ever known best
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
