btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
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i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
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Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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