i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
