mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
