Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
