Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
