I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker