he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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