pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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