Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize