if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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