Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
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did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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