Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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