Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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