I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
