She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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