Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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