I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
