sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
