I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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