We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
