if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
