is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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