I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
