haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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