You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
