your thong is hanging out like whoa
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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