Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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