My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
