Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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