i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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