good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
