he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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