Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The air was thick with penises
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
