He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
