apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
