Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
