something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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