dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
