my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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