am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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