So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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