Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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