Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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