he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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