So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize