guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
