i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That's how pantless uber rides happen
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
