so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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