yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Randomize
