omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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