I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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