well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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