brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
