So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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